Strength in prioritising care

As a leader, I believed I embraced flexibility, encouraging my team to work in ways that suited them best, allowing them to be productive while maintaining a fulfilling life outside of work and managing their responsibilities as carers.

However, I realised I hadn't extended that same flexibility to myself. I was still stuck in the mindset that I needed to work eight to 10 hour days in the office, travel extensively, and sacrifice much of my personal life and wellbeing.

I thought this was necessary to achieve my ambitions and drive my career, believing there would be time for a work-life balance later.

This changed in March 2024 when my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, with a prognosis of only a year or so to live.

If this had happened to a staff member, I would have quickly advised them to take time off, look after their family and themselves, work from home if needed, and utilise the Employee Assistance Program (EAP), offering every support and accommodation possible.

However, I was stubborn and thought I could manage everything: taking our three kids to school and their extracurricular activities, managing my husband's appointments, taking him to various doctor visits, looking after him, running the household, eating well, exercising, keeping friends and family informed, and still working full-time in a high-pressure job undergoing major changes that I was helping to lead.

I thought I could do it all, but I was wrong.

I would have kept trying, but the juggling balls started to drop. Small things at first, like relying on takeaway food instead of cooking meals, kids not completing their homework, forgetting to pay bills, and being late to almost everything.

Then, things escalated: getting my husband's appointments wrong, not being there for him when he was feeling at his lowest and forgetting to pick up the kids from school. Work didn't suffer, but everything else did.

It all came to a head when I chose to attend a work conference in Melbourne while my husband was undergoing chemotherapy. He was sick, and I made him get the kids off to school, pick them up, and care for them for the day when he couldn't even care for himself. Rightly, he called me out on it. I wasn't putting the family first, as I would have advised others to do.

A crucial turning point

My line manager approached me and kindly suggested I take some carer's leave to focus on my family. I was reluctant, but I took the time off.

It was crucial. I was able to be there for my husband during his radical surgery and radiation therapy, and for my kids when they had questions or needed their favourite meals. It was still hard, and I wasn't perfect, but it was much better than worrying about work as well.

The way my team and manager approached this leave was integral to my mental health and the performance of the business. My line manager didn't force me to take leave or tell me how much time to take off.

Instead, they listened, gave me options, and shared personal experiences. These actions were vital in helping me realise I needed to take time off and consider what was best for me and my family.

My team was also very supportive, encouraging me to take time off, taking tasks off my plate, and stepping up as leaders. They ensured the business continued to run smoothly, which greatly eased my mind.

My manager and senior team members found a great leader to take my place, and we completed a handover. They assured me that I was wanted back in the business when I was ready and that this time off would not impact my career but add to my perspectives.

The importance of having options

I was fortunate to have worked for ANZ for over 20 years and had accrued a lot of leave, which meant I didn't have to worry about finances.

Many factors contributed to a positive carer's leave experience. My leader kept in touch while I was on leave, checking in on my wellbeing and offering options for returning to work when the time was right for me.

These options included returning part-time, completing a project role from home, taking further leave, limiting travel, or working a compressed week., This flexibility helped me transition back to work.

Granted, I work for ANZ, a large employer with many resources, but what truly made my carer's leave exceptional were several key factors, including:

• An empathetic and vulnerable leader who listened well
• A supportive team that stepped up and took on leadership roles, and;
• knowing there was a strong, capable person to step into my role which provided immense peace of mind.

Additionally, being given options to make decisions that best suited me and my family, along with regular check-ins that kept me connected to the business and showed genuine care for my wellbeing, were instrumental in making this period more manageable and less stressful.

If you are anything like me, please listen to your own advice and prioritise what is important—your family and your health.

On a positive note, my husband's radical surgery was successful, and he is recovering well and in remission. The surgeon, doctors, and staff were all amazing.

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Picture of Adele Feine and her family

Adele Feine is NSW State General Manager Small to Medium Enterprise Commercial at ANZ